Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
