you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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