she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
