He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
