Kiss
Puke
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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