You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
