i think my tv is drunk
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
