I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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