I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
