every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
