He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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