Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
