life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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