Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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