he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
