Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
