ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
