i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
