Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
