remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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