i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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