What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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