At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
