i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
