I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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