oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
