Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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