And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
