Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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