apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
