i think my mom watched the whole time
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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