I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
