worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
