Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
