Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
