my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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