Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
two words...techno handjob
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
