i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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