Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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