we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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