I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
