I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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