i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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