Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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