Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
