Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
