I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
