I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
