so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
