Do you still have your period?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
