Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
