this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
