grandma shit on top of the toilet
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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