I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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