No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
false alarm, still single
Randomize
