New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Green mimosas i think yes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
