Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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