I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
"it" just moved
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
