Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
