Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize