Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
