So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
