She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
