I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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