She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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