So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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