Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
