Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
