You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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