She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
