I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize