Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
