I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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