just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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