I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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