I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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