It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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