she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
