i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
