Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
