This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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