Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
