She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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