Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
