Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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