On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
