what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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