I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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