STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
