mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
