Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Watching her eat just hurts me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
