I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
