Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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