dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
