i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
