I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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