yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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