He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
