Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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