she was so not down for the gang bang
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
